Let's Talk About Sex

This past week, my friend John came to visit. While he was here, we met with all the males (around 50) from my Senior 4 class to talk about a subject that is almost universally ignored in Ugandan society: sex. Students get very little or no information from parents or teachers and are forced to go searching for it on their own. Resources for that sort of information do not exist in the village. So the result is a large population of young people with inadequate knowledge and a lot of inaccurate beliefs about all facets of the topic.

We kicked off the session with a myths and facts game about HIV/AIDS and sex. Students were asked to identify whether a statement was a myth or a fact and then migrate to that particular side of the classroom. To give you an idea of some of the topics we discussed, I've included some of the statements below. So test yourself!

Note: Each one of these statements split the group up in some way, meaning, 100% of the boys never agreed one way or the other. Answers are at the bottom of the post.

Myth or Fact

1. AIDS exists in America.

2. America has a drug to cure AIDS and is not giving it to Africans.

3. AIDS kills people.

4. You are less likely to contract HIV/AIDS if you are circumcised.

5. You can be cured of HIV/AIDS by having sex with a virgin.

6. AIDS is a disease of immoral people, such as prostitutes.

7. Although HIV transmission is a risk for everyone, women and girls are more vulnerable to HIV infection than men and boys.

After discussing each one of the above, we moved to a question and answer session. We gave each boy a sheet of paper and asked him to write down a question he had for me and John. The process was kept anonymous. Below are some of their questions:

1. If you have sex with a woman and you do not ejaculate, will you acquire HIV/AIDS?

2. Is it true that condoms spread cancer?

3. If a girl takes ibuprofen before sex, can she still get pregnant?

4. If you use a condom twice, will you acquire HIV?

5. Why is it that some people with HIV/AIDS live longer than others?

6. Is it true that you whites, after having sex with your partner, will clean your penis with her mouth?

7. When you have sex while standing up, can you still get HIV/AIDS?

8. Why do some boys not erect during sex?

9. How can I abstain from sex so that I don't get HIV/AIDS?

10. Is sex sweet?

11. Which is better? A white girl or a black girl?

12. I am good at playing sex but I don't have a condom. Can you provide me with condoms from America in order to save my life from getting HIV/AIDS?

This activity went really well. The boys submitted a lot of questions and seemed very eager to hear our responses. I find myself wondering where in the world do they come up with some of these thoughts. Then I realize, we are in the villages of Uganda, these guys have absolutely no sources of valid, credible information. And sex is just something that is not discussed much. The youth is just expected to know these things, or figure them out for themselves.

Taking on a question from one of the students

I promise, Ugandans are more excited than they look in their pictures

Answers:

1. Fact, 2. Myth, 3. Myth, AIDS does not kill people, it only weakens your immune system, it's the subsequent opportunistic infections that ultimately kill, 4. Fact, 5. Myth, 6. Myth, 7. Fact, for several reasons involving the female anatomy and nature of fluid exchange during sex

When Mango Flies Attack!

A few weeks ago I noticed two large, dark red bumps on my back just below my right shoulder blade. At first I thought they were just really bad mosquito bites. Lately my house has developed a propensity to leave many different bug bites and stings on my body. I've been in a constant mode of itching for literally the past two months. It doesn't help that I live out in a rural area and basically have an open air house. Even with a mosquito net, critters find their way into my bed and feed.

Anyways, back to the mosquito bites. I had been planning on traveling to Peace Corps medical in Kampala for other reasons. When I arrived, I showed them what I presumed to be bad bug bites. The nurse examining me, Anni, immediately exclaimed, "Hm, I wonder if it is the mango flies."

Turns out it was. And I had two small worms, the offspring of the mango fly, living in my skin. How did they get there? Mango Flies like to lay their eggs in cool, dark, wet places. So the rainy season is the most common time for laying eggs. The most likely explanation is that the mama mango fly laid her eggs in some of my wet t-shirts as they were hanging on the clothesline drying. I take the clothes inside, put on a dry t-shirt, the eggs hatch, and the newly born worms burrow their way into their hosts skins (in this case, me).

How did nurse Anni confirm they were mango fly worms? The worms breathe air, and need air to survive. Once inside your skin, they breathe through a small hole in your skin that they create themselves. When nurse Anni applied some Vaseline to my skin to cover up the two bumps, she covered up their breathing tube and the worms began to panic and move around. She could see them and I could feel them moving around in my skin.

From there the procedure evolved to removing the worms from my torso. Once the worms are deprived of air, they burrow up to the surface of your skin. From there, you squeeze them out like popping a pimple. Mine proved to be a bit more difficult to remove and we needed the assistance of a razor blade and some tweezers. Nonetheless, they were removed.

On The Way It Is

A question I ask myself often in Uganda is, "Why are things like this?"

It's usually a frustrating moment for me because each time it arises I don't have a clear answer. It's even more frustrating because, as volunteers, we believe our jobs are to change "this", improve "this", and build capacity. At least, that's what our pre-Peace Corps service, idealistic minds came to Africa with the ambitions and goals of implementing.

After 16 months in country, I think I speak for all the volunteers I came with and a majority of volunteers in Peace Corps when I say, we have been humbled. Maybe a bit disenchanted. This isn't a bad thing. It's a quantum leap in personal discovery at how societies operate outside the United States, more specifically, outside of the developed world. It makes us stronger volunteers, and it makes us smarter people.

Mostly though, it makes us appreciate the small accomplishments. If we can't appreciate those, life here would be much more difficult. And who knows, maybe a lot of what we're doing will have a large impact down the road. The problem is, you can't measure it. There is no clear metric to tell you how good a job you have done. There is no performance measurement system. In the United States, we're used to metrics and results. Here, everyone's site is different, everyone's job is different, everyone's experience is different. No two PCV's services are similar. That's another reason it's hard to measure.

Why are things like this? I have some answers, finally.

In my mind, there are two fundamental root causes for the status quo: corruption and culture. The former is bad and wrong. The latter is not.

Corruption is everywhere. However, it is most pronounced within government institutions. And I'm not just talking about the bribing an official. No, my definition is much broader. I'm talking about the abuse of power for personal gain. In America, we like to believe that the institution is bigger than the man. And for the most part it is. In Uganda, they say the man is bigger than the institution. That is what it boils down to.

The lack of a sufficient and effective accountability system is sorely lacking in just about every sector. And this causes problems for people wanting to live their lives. People wanting to get educated. People wanting to get a good job. People wanting to start a new company. People wanting to make huge investments in Uganda that will spur all of the previously mentioned.

The other is culture. The digital copy of the New Oxford American Dictionary I have on my Mac defines culture as the arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively. A higher level thinking type of definition but nonetheless fairly accurate. Culture in my mind is defined by the following:

A collectives peoples...

values, morals, concept of self, concept of relationships, religious beliefs, concept of government, concept of family, concept of time, concept of achievement, concept of group harmony, laws and procedures, concept of health, and maybe a few others that I can't think of right now

After 16 months of service, I've had ample opportunity and time to experience Uganda's culture. And in many ways, it's not so different than the way we are, than our culture. Then why are our two countries so different?

Uganda is a country that values education. Many Ugandans value education. But many Ugandans don't value it enough.

Uganda is a country that values work. Many Ugandans work hard. But many Ugandans don't. And believe me, just the act of living in Uganda alone, IS WORK. A LOT OF WORK. For Ugandans of course, I have many luxuries most do not.

Uganda is a country that acknowledges the importance and value of time. Almost all Ugandans will recite the importance of time management to me. But many, if not a majority, will not conduct business in a timely manner. Though they know it is important to do so.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that our values are similar. But when you don't have the entire country fully on board, it can make things extremely difficult. If you have say 75% of the country in agreement on education, but 25% causing chaos, it makes things incredibly hard to deal with, and progress slows to a near stand still. Like in America, if you have 20% of the population that believes President Barack Obama is a Muslim and that all Muslims are terrorists (eh hm...cough cough...Tea Party...cough cough...), things become a little bit more difficult.

In terms of their cultural values, Ugandans can be more similar to Americans than some may think. It's the act of how those values are practiced (or not practiced) that distinguishes us from each other.

Even though our applications of values may be quite different, that doesn't mean their wrong. And as Americans, we tend to think the rest of the world is wrong. We need to get out of that mindset. There are a huge number of good things about America. But we need to acknowledge we're not always right. Even if the way they did practice their values was objectively wrong, you can't blame the common man for the way things are done, but most people can't really visualize this statement without first living in the arduous and unwieldy environment of rural UG.

I'm behind on my definitions and scope here a bit though. First of all, "Why are things like this?". What is "this"? And is "this" a bad thing. "This" is the status quo of Uganda as a country. Is "this" a bad thing. It depends on your criteria you use for judgement.

If you apply the criterion of achievement and accomplishment. Well, Uganda clearly has some work to do. And indeed they have a lot of work to do on many other standards.

I however (thank you Brian for bringing this to light), have found Ugandans interpersonal communications and experiences to be far richer than those of Americans.

When it comes to being self sufficient on food production, Uganda is. If there was a global economic crises, Ugandans would still be eating. Ugandans eat healthier food than Americans. They exercise more and enjoy summer weather all year long.

We are similar in more ways than than most see from a cursory glance. We both want the same things. We are all, at our most basic level, human beings with the same needs, wants, and desires. Even our cultural values are similar in some ways. It's the actual practicing of them and lack of systematic checks and balances that differentiates us the most.

Now I'll finish with a story... I had just finished a run through my village Wednesday morning when I arrived home only to be greeted by a man sitting on my porch. The man was Omukat Pius. And he is the father of one of my best female students in S.4. He had heard about the difficulties we had been having at the school lately.

He just stood up, walked over to me, apologized repeatedly over and over again while shaking my hand. He embraced me with a hug. He wrapped his hands and arms around my sweaty torso and brought me in close. We stood there and just hugged each other for a good minute or so. He hugged me tight and I hugged him back tighter. At the end, it was just what I needed. And I was reminded of the power of human being's ability to comfort one another, it was an incredible moment.

Another Week, Another Shilling

Afripads came to Kamuge as my colleague and fellow PCV Ashley came to my site to present to our girls on reproductive health. The session included teaching the girls about menstruation and answering their questions about sex. Some of the questions directly from the girls included:

Are there safe days to have sex when you cannot get pregnant?

Can condoms give you cancer?

How much sperm does a man have?

How do you abstain?

What does it mean if you are menstruating for three weeks straight?

Can you reuse condoms? (they're relatively expensive)

Her sessions have inspired me and my friend John to start our own class for boys. Boys need the info to. So why not? I'm excited to see how our first session goes next week. We may even make it a regular program and travel to other schools in Uganda to do sessions. We shall see.

Sam Ssegirinya came back to our school and showed our students how to make soap. I want to first experiment with teachers on the process and then facilitate more sessions with the students. The soap could be used for personal use or sold, giving these rural kids a little income.

We had a meeting this past Friday with all the S4s, their parent, teachers, members and officials from the community. My school is trying to improve student discipline and is enlisting all members of the community to assist the school in holding the kids accountable for showing up. It started at 11:30. The chairman opened the meeting stating he hoped to end by 1:00. It's now 4:00 and the meeting is still going strong. I ducked out after I had made my remarks at the 2:30 hour mark.

Advice to PCVs

I recently came across this article of advice for current Peace Corps Volunteers and liked it so much I wanted to share it with all of you on my blog. These are some really great thoughts that serve as powerful reminder of how we should operate to be most effective here. Enjoy.

When you’re thinking of ETing on a hot Tuesday morning when the borehole is broken and your supervisor is drunk, keep in mind the following…

(taken from 25 Tips for Peace Corps Volunteers by Kathy Gau and Lyle Jaffe)

If you want to change the world, change yourself. You cannot effectively contribute toward growth unless you are growing yourself. If you want to grow, drop your ego. Learn to identify when your ego is in play and develop strategies to quell it.

Use this experience to learn about yourself. This is the most important lesson. Try to remember it.

Development is disruptive. It implies changes in power relationships that result in uncertainty and loss. Few people willingly give up power unless they can see there will be gain. Most poor people cannot afford to change radically. It takes a huge amount of energy (physical and emotional) for average rural folk to maintain daily life, let alone try to break out of the poverty cycle.

Do not expect a smooth ride. Do not expect people to go out of their way to listen to you. People had a life before you came. They will continue to have a life after you leave.

You will not see tangible, measurable results in 2 years anywhere close to what you hope or expect. The saying that "what takes a day in USA takes a week in Africa, what takes a week in USA takes a month in Africa, what takes a month in USA takes 1 year in Africa" is close to true for reasons that you have no control over. So after your first month on the job, when you are still in USA mode, write down what you would like to achieve in 2 months time. This now becomes your 2 year work goal.

Don't want it more then they want it (or, don't show them how bad you want it to work). Find other ways to deal with your personal and professional frustrations regarding the work ethic, the what could/should/can be in the face of serious problems. You are but one step in a very long journey to address these problems. Concentrate on doing your step well and having fun.

There is no "us and them". Human beings are the same everywhere. Could you do it if it were you in their shoes? Don’t think for a moment that because you live in a hut and don’t make much money that you are in their shoes.

It doesn’t matter how right you think you are, if you haven’t developed a working relationship with someone, if you don’t approach your suggestion with the most sincere humility, you will not convey your message effectively. Think: do you want to be right or effective?

Learn how to yield effectively to win. Their life is not about your principles. Neither is mine or anybody else’s. Try to understand why people do what they do and then don’t judge. Work the problem with them, and your emotions with you.

What you experience is a sliver of time and space. Be careful not to generalize beyond this.

Pay attention to the way you feel when you spend time judging. If it feels bad, if you feel worse, then don’t do it. It isn’t pretty to watch people sit around doing the “these people syndrome”. If you find yourself doing it, it’s a sure sign that you have something to work out within yourself. Find it and work it out.

Do not think for a minute that your attitude towards people is unfelt. Everyone feels when they are being put down. Make people feel that they have grown in your presence.

Over a 2 year period, your task is really teaching. It might take 3 steps or it might take 21 steps. There is nothing right or wrong about the number of steps so do not judge as this is the same as saying "I have no hope that you can learn.”

Understand that your frustration is about you. It is about a diminishing sense of self-importance. Where else do your expectations regarding tangible achievements within your own timeframe come from? No one gets it right the first time or the second time. You need to constantly go back to the drawing board and revisit your starting point and your methods.

Do not give up and do not give in. Unfortunately, the process of development cannot be shortened. Respect that those you work with drew the short straw, appreciate that you did not. For now, your anguish, guilt and questions about this will just distract from the task at hand and are really rather self indulging, if you think about it.

Be a positive role model in your personal life, someone that young folk can aspire to become like. “Walk your talk.”

Peace Corps is first and foremost a cultural exchange program. You will learn more than you will give. Be prepared to change your understandings. You can only balance the formula if you change both sides of the equation.

To read more visit http://www.socialedge.org/blogs/beyond-good-intentions/archive/2009/08/07/25-tips-for-peace-corps-volunteers

Otoke Phrases

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."

- Otoke John to a student at KHS, 14 June 2011

I have to admit I love Otoke John's many phrases. They have a simple clarity and power to them. This one came up this week as he was talking to a student who failed to raise 500 shillings (about 20 cents) to pay an agriculture teacher to come and teach to the S4s. Currently, our school is without an agriculture teacher. So this one volunteered to come in and teach 4 hours on Saturday morning if each student paid 500 shillings for his transport and upkeep.

Not an unreasonable proposition from what I understand of the local culture. Especially since most of these students are getting their education for free for the most part. It does seem, however, that it could be a little expensive if many students do show up. 10 for a total of 5,000 vs. 100 for a total of 50,000 for example. I just don't know.

Lots of staff and students sick these days. They say it is the season for flu here. Although I don't really believe that since we are in the land of perpetual summer and thus experience no seasons. I still find it humorous though when I hear my colleagues walking around saying it is flu season. Maybe they know something I don't, probably.

"Sometimes freedom enslaves you."

I liked this one too. It came up one evening when I we were talking about different addictions that Americans have in the states, whether it be drugs, alcohol, Blackberrys, cigarettes, food, television, sex, gambling, whatever. It got me thinking about the contrast between the two worlds. In America, people have enough money and access to develop these habits. In Uganda, people cannot afford such behaviors. Nor do they have access to such items and venues that enable these vices to persist in much of the developed world.

It's true. We are indeed enslaved by the many freedoms we have. We have the ability to choose, every single day, exactly what we want to do with that day, whether it be good or bad. Ugandans have this ability too, I suppose. We just have more resources at our disposal.

School Life Continued

Monday morning could have gone better. My S4 stream has been essentially out of control as of late and I've been devising methods to simmer them down a bit so that we can actually focus. The problem is there are basically 130+ students crammed into this classroom. At that many students, any form of control is not achieved easily, if at all.

My latest strategy was to have the class captains and a few others write down the names of those students that were acting out in class. They delivered them to me last week and on Monday I read the list of names and quickly dismissed each student from my lesson for the day. This was done with the intention of silencing them in the future.

Shortly after I ended my lesson, the students who were excused became very angry at the class captains for writing down their names. The class captains of course denied writing the names and I did everything I could to try and persuade them that they were not the ones who had written the names and that they should not even be concerned with who wrote them. The excused students began picking up sticks and threatening to cane those that allegedly wrote the names.

Upon seeing this commotion, about four other teachers ran out of the staff room with large sticks in their hands. They asked each student that was on the list to lie down on their stomachs as they yelled at the entire class. Three or four teachers walked around with the sticks striking the students lying on the ground, all of them receiving multiple strokes and some receiving up to five or six and a couple crying in pain.

That morning deeply affected me. I'm used to seeing caning. But I knew that there were a couple really smart students on the ground. They also happened to be the ones crying. These students are smart but they also shout and act out in class. After the village justice session concluded, I personally went up to them and apologized for what had transpired. I let the students know that it wasn't my intention and I didn't think they deserved it. I guess I need to find a new method.

The conversation at lunch that day was certainly interesting. Apart from the usual diatribes about "these children" and "indisciplined students", the topic of circumcision arose. One of the teachers (a male) asked another teacher (a female), "What do you think about this thing, circumcision, because it's becoming quite common these days." The female responded that she had no point of reference and could not comment.

The costs and benefits, problems and opportunities of circumcision were then debated in great detail amongst the members of my school. They talked about the practice of circumcision reduces the likelihood of contracting HIV/AIDS. One teacher mentioned that circumcision reduces the sensitivity of the penis and enables the man to increase his sexual stamina, thereby making him more likely to satisfy the woman during sex. The members agreed. Some members objected and said the man would not be able to be satisfied because of the reduced sensitivity and would thus communicate mixed, wrong, and hurtful message to the woman.

It was such an intense conversation about a very personal topic. I was a bit astonished while witnessing it develop. I kept trying to draw comparisons of a similar situation occurring in US high school teachers' staff room. I could not imagine. Ugandans are so open about certain topics but so reserved and timid about others. I don't really completely grasp it. I guess all cultures are like this. I tried to add to the conversation with little tidbits of information I had picked up along the way about the practice. They were well receieved. It was entertaining.