On Divorce

A few weeks back, I was having a discussion with Otoke John about marriage and divorce, both in America and Uganda. I recited to him the often-publicized statistic that half of all American marriages end in divorce. (Sidenote: I’m told that this statistic includes ALL marriages, meaning the rate of first time divorce is actually lower, any challenges?) Regardless, Otoke John was astonished. He was perplexed and began to ask clarifying questions as to why this was the case.

I spoke honestly with him about the reasons why I thought this was the case: people change, people getting married for the wrong reasons, people not taking it seriously, its ease and accessibility in the US, and the constant assault of sexual imagery and promiscuity in America. I told him about the barrage of images our eyes take in everyday in American advertising, television, internet, and so on.

He understood. “It’s not too common here.” He replied. I agreed with him. Divorce doesn’t appear to be a common event here. That doesn’t mean, however, that there is any less pain or suffering occurring in the wake of broken relationships and families.

Ugandans and Americans often times view love and marriage in very different ways. Marriage in Uganda, many times, can be a decision based on function and practicality, not love. Women without an education feel they need a man to support her. Men feel they need a women to satisfy their desires and bear children, making him (culturally) an official man.

Uganda is a patriarchal society. Most of the time, women do not, or perceive that they do not, have as much power as men. And men can get away with a lot here: polygamy, infidelity, abuse (physical & mental) of the wife and the children, alcoholism, laziness, etc. I’m not saying this is always the case, but it is common.

But what happens? Well, in Uganda, it certainly isn’t divorce. Divorce has a very negative connotation here. You could make the argument that it does everywhere, but it is more pronounced here than in America. What happens? Life goes on. Relationships endure, sometimes painfully. So while the divorce rate may be lower here in Uganda, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t a lot of shady business (by Western standards) going on behind the scenes.